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And trust me I forgot most of what had happened already, and time has diluted the feelings, lightly. I know they are hidden somewhere in my brain! I tend to forget events that I’m not really happy about, very quickly! It feels as if they had never happened and when I do remember, it feels weird and I wonder how I went through all these...
But this story is not negative for the most part; I ended up having a healthy and beautiful baby girl! We love her so much. Sometimes my husband and I look at her big eyes and we laugh and tell each other how perfect she is!
She can’t be better than what she is, and we are conscious that she is a gift that has only been given to us through pure grace!
Early on Sunday the 17th of June at 3 am, I woke up feeling very strong Braxton hicks, I went to the loo and I started feeling stomach pain, I thought to myself “she is coming”; I know this feeling very well. It could be that my stomach is only upset but I delivered my miscarried baby through this similar pain! So instead of going back to sleep I stayed around walking, silently praying that for once contractions starts before my water breaks!
Earlier that week, on Thursday, I had a membrane sweep done, something my mum wasn’t happy about, she told me that there was no doubt that baby is soon with us. I personally was very happy and hoped this will help with my contractions.
A couple of minutes later, I started feeling better, “of course nothing is happening”, and then I forced myself back to sleep!
The end is near and I know I would need some energy! I Just don’t know when I would need them for! At around quarter to six, I tried to turn around with my huge bump seeking a comfortable position and I felt it, water leaking! I called my husband who was already up doing his morning routine! And straight away he knew! He ran to me and asked if she is coming? I said “I think so, double check if this smells like pee or not!” “No, your water broke, let’s go!”
I stood up trying not to mess our bed further and felt something huge coming out of me! A mucus plug! It was huge, I didn’t know you can have something so huge called a mucus plug! A bit brown-ish but mainly “mucussy” This alarmed me a bit, it was too huge… but deep down I knew everything was fine! I started getting ready and believe me I took my time I didn’t want to go to the hospital; it was as if I knew what would happen!
At that point all I realised is that I was going to go through something to have this baby out of me. I knew I had little chances to have her vaginally, and I knew all the complications I might have to face. I wasn’t looking forward to those but I was happy I was going to meet my rainbow baby very soon!
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| Last photo with the bump! |
When we arrived they checked if my water really broke, and told me I wasn’t dilated at all! “Not good news”. They also checked the baby’s position in my womb and confirmed with me my plan to try for a VBAC! They were really supportive of my decision!
Then soon after I’ve been sent to my corner of the ward! We were very excited and I knew we were also there for at least 24 hours before we see this baby’s face!
All day I jumped on the birth ball and walk up and down the hospital stairs with my beautiful and caring friend, my second birth partner!
Later in the afternoon I’ve been told that if my contractions were still practically non-existent I will have a caesarean early in the morning. This has already been planned for me. So I had to stop eating from midnight!
I did not sleep well that night. I was woken up by scarce but strong contractions and other women’s fate, which were pretty entertaining if you ask me! I fell envious of my husband who was sleeping uncomfortably next to me!!
Early in the morning by four, I decided not to lie down anymore and jumped on the ball! By five in the morning, my contractions started to be more presents! The midwife came at 6 am to prepare me for the surgery but since I was regularly contracting she asked me if I wanted to take the chance! “Of course” I said, but “oh dear” I thought! They told me that the clock is ticking! Therefore I was watched by carefully, any signs of infections, or baby distressed we had to rush for an emergency C-section. Subsequently I did not eat anything! Nothing!
By 12 pm they took me to another room on my own. I needed my membrane broken, so the rest of the water can come out, and my baby’s head to descend further!
4pm and no one was breaking my membrane! They told me that they have to be careful as the baby’s cord can come through while doing this and it is preferable to wait on a doctor! The doctor came in twice already! Every time she comes in we would start talking about my decision to have a VBAC and she had to run away again for an emergency!
At this point needless to say that I was exhausted and hungry! Contractions were 5 minutes apart and I started feeling funny but was not saying a word! I need to breathe, “Breathe you can do it” that was all I was thinking! “You can do this!”
Obviously, it was clear that this baby was not going to come naturally!
We waited 4 hours for the doctor. My husband started loosing patience and called on all the midwives he can talk to! One of them came in and noticed that I had not one but more than two midwives with me and as she approached me she felt that my body was hot! She went on to take my temperature, which was high and was surprised that I did not have anything to drink either! I was showing signs of infection, she said!
Immediately, blood was taken, a couple of unsuccessful attempts to insert a bigger cannula into my veins and what’s not? I don’t remember everything, all I remember well was that I was begging to have another sip of water!
It has already been 36 hours since my water broke! It was not good news for me! All this time baby was fine, no worries about her! Contractions were good too, I didn’t have any pain relieve, I decided to wait until I couldn’t take it anymore. I also have not been checked again since I came in the hospital, to find out how dilated I was, because they were trying to put all chances on my side in order to avoid infections and this VBAC to happen. However here is what I was told: We will give you four more hours and if this baby is not out, we will have to take it out!
Another doctor came in a couple of minutes later! He told us that even though baby seems fine, we don’t know exactly what was happening. In his opinion, breaking the membrane and waiting another 4 hours is not worthy, it was too much risk to take due to the fact that I was showing signs of infection!
It was clear that I do not have any favourable choices! I cried for a couple of minutes! I was scared, I didn’t want to go though another C-section! I wanted to be able to stand up the next day from my hospital bed and walk the alleys with my newborn baby, and be able to go home and not having troubles looking after both my kids because I have been cut in the stomach again!
Nonetheless I knew that I would go through this for her if needed because I must take care of this baby! Something I have been doing carefully for nine months already! Today won’t be different either, it doesn’t matter what pain and difficulties I would have to go through.
We had the time to get ready for the surgery this time. I signed the papers and listened carefully to all they had to tell me about the risks they might confront! I had two different anaesthesia done! One for the surgery and an epidural in case doctors might need more time while operating me as I had had many mayor surgeries done to my stomach already! In total three surgeries already performed on my poor little stomach, this would be the fourth!
Everything went smoothly! I was so scared that I was silently crying throughout the surgery! One of the anaesthetist team, a lady, was trying her best to cheer me up. She served me all kind of jokes and was really into my eyelashes extensions, she later on told me that my baby has the same, beautiful lashes, my surprised when I noticed that in fact my baby has lashes you can barely see! :) I appreciate her efforts regardless. My husband was by my side holding my hand all those time! He was trying to keep my attention away from what was going on! We were chatting about what I would eat as soon as this was over. I said I wanted some sushi and a banoffee pie tea with loads of tapioca! :)
As soon as baby was out I heard her cry! the cutest thing I have ever heard! And I kept asking if it is a girl or not, because the anaesthetist lady kept saying he and he and he! She was beside me doing her job, so she didn’t pay attention to what gender the baby is! A couple of seconds after, she finally confirmed to me “yes it is a girl!”A little while later, they brought the baby to me! I only got to see her by the side of my eyes! But I remember noticing how small she was! Then I cried more! We did it! At 25 minutes past six in the evening, She has finally arrived!
She has not been dressed as I thought she would be! A nappy was put on her tiny waist and they wrapped her nicely in a hospital blanket!
They told me how beautiful she is and healthy she seems, her weight which was 3,13 kg and then they told me they had to take her away to put a cannula in her hand and administer her some antibiotic which they will repeat for 5 days to make sure she isn’t going to suffer from any infections she might have picked up from me during labour!
I was sad to hear that, but I was exhausted to think. I couldn’t keep my eyes opened anymore! I only managed to feed her a little, while I was in recovery room!
Then they took her away with my husband following them! I was too tired and drugged up to keep those eyes opened anyway but I fought as much as I could, I can sleep later!
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| Freya's first feed, she latched on like a champ! |
What followed next was not timed. I remembered that night I did not sleep peacefully either; I was woken up many times to swallow an endless number of medicines, which I did not mind a bit! Baby was calm and slept as we all hear it ‘like a baby!’
I was eager to recover quickly. Therefore I followed instructions, I praised my body and I tried all my best to get back on my feet as soon as I had the permission to do so, but my efforts didn’t bring me much.
I spent 17 days at the hospital in total. I had fever every single day, from the third day after delivery, except the last three days! I had my blood taken every single day, intravenous cannulation done almost every two days! I had bruises from needles all over my arms! I had blood transfusion done once, I felt weird about it. Did all kind of ultrasounds and scans! I have been put in isolation due to the fact that I was having diarrhoea and a non-stop fever! My stomach was hurting all the time, and was considerably distended with fluid under some part of my skin!
It was ugly! But I’m out and good now! four months postpartum and I do have some minors concerned about my stomach! However I’m sure I will be fine very soon! We are good!!! my baby is fine and my heart is full! I’m a mum of two now guys! I feel so blessed and I love my little family (not so little anymore) so so so much that it hurts!
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| First time meeting his sister! |
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